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5 Conversations Every Family Should Have Before Dementia Becomes a Crisis

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June 5, 2026 •  Emily Hicks Law, PLLC
One of the hardest parts of dementia planning is that many families wait until a diagnosis—or even a medical emergency—to discuss future care preferences. Unfortunately, by that point, a loved one may no longer be able to clearly communicate their wishes. Here are five discussions every family should consider having before a crisis occurs.

One of the hardest parts of dementia planning is that many families wait until a diagnosis—or even a medical emergency—to discuss future care preferences.

Unfortunately, by that point, a loved one may no longer be able to clearly communicate their wishes.

While documents such as powers of attorney, health care directives, and the Voluntary Advance Directive for Receiving Oral Feedings and Fluids in the Event of Dementia can provide important guidance, the most valuable planning tool may be a conversation.

Here are five discussions every family should consider having before a crisis occurs.

1. What Does Quality of Life Mean to You?

Everyone defines quality of life differently. For some people, maintaining independence is most important. Others prioritize comfort, family interaction, or avoiding burdensome medical interventions. There is no right or wrong answer.

The key is making sure your loved ones understand how you view quality of life and what factors would influence your medical decisions.

2. Who Should Make Decisions If You Cannot?

Many people assume their family members automatically know who should be in charge. Unfortunately, that is not always the case.

Discuss:

  • Who you trust most
  • Who can handle difficult decisions
  • Who communicates well with family members
  • Who will advocate for your wishes

Selecting the right decision-maker is one of the most important parts of incapacity planning.

3. What Are Your Wishes Regarding Long-Term Care?

If dementia progresses, care options may include:

  • In-home care
  • Assisted living
  • Memory care
  • Skilled nursing facilities

Discussing preferences in advance can help reduce uncertainty and family disagreements later.

4. How Much Medical Intervention Would You Want?

Many families struggle with decisions involving hospitalization, feeding assistance, and comfort care.

While no one can predict every circumstance, discussing general preferences can help loved ones feel more confident about future decisions.

5. What Legacy Do You Want to Leave Behind?

Dementia planning is not just about medical care. It is also about preserving family stories, values, traditions, and memories. Sharing these things now can become one of the greatest gifts you leave behind.

Why These Conversations Matter

When families have these discussions early, they often experience:

  • Less conflict
  • Greater confidence in decision-making
  • Reduced guilt
  • Better understanding of a loved one's wishes

Planning documents are important, but they work best when supported by open and honest communication.

Final Thoughts

No one likes to think about the possibility of dementia. However, having difficult conversations today can spare your loved ones from making impossible decisions tomorrow.

Whether you choose to sign a Voluntary Advance Directive for Receiving Oral Feedings and Fluids in the Event of Dementia or rely on more traditional planning documents, the goal remains the same: ensuring that your wishes are understood, respected, and honored.

Ready to plan? Book a call today.

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